The Decision Making Machine
How Donuts Help Us Make Better Decisions
John and I are both middle children.
Which means we are both peacemakers – we want nothing more than for everyone to get along. We strive for fairness in all situations. Always. It definitely made for some interesting arguments when we first got married.
But the biggest issue with two middle children getting married? Making decisions. Without question.
It’s funny - we do pretty well with big decisions:
✅Buying a house? ✅Having kids? ✅What kind of business to start?
But dinner?? Oh, that’s a whole different story. It usually starts like this:
Me: What do you want for dinner?
John: I don’t care, what do you want?
Me: Whatever is fine with me. Is there anything you’re hungry for?
John: How about hamburgers?
Me: Ok, that sounds good.
John: Unless you don’t want hamburgers… We could do pizza. Do you want pizza?!?
Me: No, hamburgers are good… unless you just thought I wanted hamburgers. Do you really want pizza???
🤦🏻♀️Imagine that on an endless loop and you’ve got a peek at my Tuesday night…
It’s funny that it’s mostly the small decisions that trip us up. But then again it’s not. Years ago I figured out 3 things about big decisions:
1. Let go of needing to make a perfect decision
The truth is: there are no perfect decisions. Let me say that louder for the people in the back:
The reason why most people struggle is that they want to make the right decision. But the problem is, quite frankly, we don't REALLY know a good decision in the moment. When we're looking back after the passage of time, we can go, “Oh, that was a good decision. I'm so glad I did that.” In the moment though, there was still the anxiety, there was still the stress.
You can only make the BEST decision with the information you have. Once I understood that I have no way of possibly knowing if the decision is right or wrong–I could let myself relax a little bit.
2. Know Your Decision Making Type
Are you a maximizer or a satisficer? (Yes, that weird word is actually spelled correctly.)
Maximizers: They want to make the absolute best decision possible, no matter what. They’ll spend days researching every possible option, weighing the pros and cons, and trying to predict the future consequences of each choice.
Satisficers: They’re concerned with making a decision that is “good enough.” They’ll do some research and weigh a few options, but they’re not going to obsess over every little detail.
I am 100% a satisficer and John is a maximizer. You’ll hear the two of us talking about this on the podcast this week and how this has helped us not only make better decisions, but it’s helped our marriage.
3. Get Rid of the Old Pro/Con List
This is the big one. When it comes to a big decision, how many people get out a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle and list the pros and cons? Almost every single one.
But go back and read point #1 above. That’s the problem with the pro/con list. It’s all focused on what I think is good and what I think is bad… and mostly focused on the short term pain or gain. Instead of pros and cons, what if I focused on what I REALLY want? You see:
It’s not about more choices, it's focusing on fewer options that actually align with what I truly desire.
This is where donuts come in.
No, unfortunately not THOSE donuts. But man, I wish that were the case.
The Decision Donut
I touched on the Decision Donut on the podcast this week when we talked about using it to help Jack decide where to go for college (definitely a big, big decision!) but I wanted to go deeper with this concept because it’s been the biggest game changer when it comes to making decisions with more confidence. And, it actually led me to create an interactive online Decision Making Machine that you’ll be able use anytime you need to make a decision.
Bonuses for Premium Access Subscribers
I love writing these emails, and as you can imagine it takes more than just an hour or two to whip them up. Having paid subscribers helps make it more sustainable and keeps it ad-free.
As a thank you for supporting this newsletter, Premium Access subscribers will get some additional juicy extras today:
+ Bonus insights on the Decision Donut not shared on the podcast that will give more clarity on your own decision-making
+ Two key questions to ask yourself with any decision
+ An interactive online Decision Making Machine you can download and use for all your tough decisions