Achieving Inner Peace (aka Quieting Your Dog)

Mastering Your Mindset by Getting the Dog in Your Head to SIT

If you listened to the podcast this past week, you heard that I have a dog that lives in my head. 

In fact, I believe we all do.

That inner voice–known as your ego–is focused on consistently keeping you safe.

So, why is it a dog? Well, your best bet is to listen to the full episode because I go much deeper into that on the show than I can here. But TL;DR: your ego–like a dog–likes to keep you safe. And when it feels unsafe, it barks. Like a dog. 

Loudly.

Incessantly.

Often Needlessly.

Have you ever seen a dog that’s pulling the owner’s arm out of its socket while walking on a leash? Or a dog that snaps if you happen to simply walk past it with your own dog? Or the dog with chewing habits could rival a chainsaw's precision—furniture, shoes, and dreams of an intact living room, all gone in one swift gnaw?

My own dog, Lucy 🐕 is the expert in selective hearing—she responds to 'sit' with a blank stare but miraculously hears 'treat' from two rooms away. 🤣

But here’s the trick: All dogs can be trained. Even the one in your head.

Once you understand that your ego–like a dog–can be trained to sit and stop barking, it truly shifts how that voice in your head shows up. But it helps to figure out what that dog looks like and give it a name.

Mine is a Standard Poodle named Pierre… John’s is a Doberman named Rex (we talk about allllll of this in the episode, so seriously, so give it a listen).

Get Some Clarity

I know this might feel crazy/silly/weird/insert whatever you’re feeling here… but I promise you, this created a huge shift in my negative self talk. (Which used to be horrific to be honest.)

I want you to figure out what kind of dog your ego shows up as, so I’ve come up with a few questions for you to think it through. I’ve listed out a few situations where your ego probably likes to show up with a few probing questions to help you go deeper.

No need to pull out paper or pencils… just read the questions and answer them to yourself. Go with your gut my friend. Don’t overthink… just answer.

Ready?

Recent High Stress Situation

• How would you describe your inner voice in terms of its behavior? Is it obedient, protective, aggressive, playful, or something else?

• How often do you notice your ego’s presence in your thoughts and actions? Are there specific triggers or patterns that activate your ego?

Your Interactions with Others

• How does your ego typically respond to criticism, praise, or competition?

• When it comes to other people’s motivations and actions, what kinds of conclusions do you sometimes jump to? (A few examples: I bet she secretly doesn’t like me or I know he’s after my job or I must have done something wrong and that’s why she hasn’t texted back.)

During Exercise

• When you’re exercising, does your inner voice compare you to others? Does it bark at you like a drill sergeant? Or does it tell you not to bother moving your body at all?

• Do you find yourself leaning into a stretch more (or running faster) than what’s comfortable, simply because you are trying to do things right? Or because you want to be the best? Do you sometimes overexert yourself in ways that aren’t necessarily nurturing?

Goals & Dreams

• Take a second to think about a big dream of yours. Now, what’s the tone of immediate thought that follows? Is it encouraging? Ridiculing? Doubtful? 

• When it comes to big plans or goals, how does your inner voice support the actions you want to take? Does it sabotage you or create obstacles?

Work & Productivity

• How does your inner voice respond to challenging situations? Does it get defensive? Does it seek validation?   Does it compare you with others?

• What thoughts go through your head when you are planning your day? How do those thoughts come across? Are they domineering, anxious, stressful, encouraging or something else?

• Do you ever feel like you’ve done enough? 

Okay, now that we’ve gathered some thoughts, what breed do you think fits your ego?

Here’s a few ideas to help put a little water in your well and get the wheels turning:

 Labrador Retriever (overachieving), German Shepherd (protective), Bulldog (stubborn), Poodle (smart but a little haughty), Beagle (energetic), Boxer (playful), Dachshund (independent), Chihuahua (anxious), Rottweiler (fierce), Shih Tzu (yappy), Bernese Mountain Dog (take charge), Pug (adaptable), Border Collie (rule follower), Schnauzers (loud barker), Great Dane (gentle but large), Australian Shepherd (controlling), Basset Hound (howling), Pomeranian (quick to bark)

Maybe your dog isn’t on that list… or maybe the way you think of a certain breed is different from what I wrote. That’s totally okay. (Don’t over think this.)

Now, give your dog a fitting name.

Got it? 

What I love is that your ego is no longer this disembodied voice in your head. You can literally picture what it looks like - and now you can begin to train it. (Read: Have a healthier relationship with it.)

The Old Practice: Letting the inner voice in your head go wild, thinking you had no control over the worry, the stress and the negative self-talk.

The New Practice: Training your ego to actually support you and do it’s real job–keeping you safe while still letting you hold the leash.

Resources To Help

5 Simple Ways to Worry Less - your ego loves to insert worrying thoughts in your head. As a former chronic worrier, I shared some strategies last week that helped me stop worrying so much. I included a guided audio activity to help relax as well.

How To Stop Worrying - Obviously I talked about worrying (could I have come up with a more obvious title?!? 🤣) Listen to last week’s episode on your favorite podcast player or watch it right here:

***If you want to check out the section where I talk about the ego/dog relationship, that’s around the 26:40 mark.***

I used to have an incessant negative dialog running in my head. For years, I just thought this was “normal” and I kinda just felt like this is just the way it is.

This might explain why I worried so much.

Why I felt bad about myself.

Why I never thought I’d done enough.

Training my inner dog shifted all of that. My worry stopped. My negative self-talk is gone. And now, I want that for you.

Yes, it may seem silly or weird. But who cares? What matters is that you start to understand that you can have a say in what goes on in your head. I promise, it’s Not Rocket Science.

3 Random (Fun) Things

Here’s a few things I’ve been doing, thinking, or reading about this week…

🍳Currently Cooking: I just made a batch of my Coconut Maple Granola on Sunday. Now that the weather is finally so nice, I love eating a small bowl of it while I sit outside on my back deck in the mornings. When I travel, I actually bring this granola with me because I love it so much.

📚What I’m Reading: Tom Lake by Ann Patchett: I’m about halfway through and am not sure what I think about it yet. It’s a slow burn, but I’ve heard really great things about this book so I’m holding on… I like it… but full disclosure: I’m kinda over books set in the pandemic. It’s like every author thought we all needed to relive it and we don’t. Not yet.

🤔What’s Got Me Thinking: Jerry Seinfeld’s Duke commencement speech, where he talks about letting go of searching for what you are passionate about and, instead, think about what fascinates you. I thought it was such an interesting reframe—plus the speech was entertaining while still being extremely poignant.