Here’s how Thursday Threads work: I’ll post the question (yep, that one 👆🏼 there in the title). You’ll drop your answer in the discussion thread by leaving a comment. You can also get the conversations going by commenting on other people’s questions. I’ll also be popping in to reply to as many as I can.
I’ll go ahead and answer first: On the podcast this week, I shared a lot that happened behind the scenes with my radical sabbatical. And, yes, the “murder scene” did play a big role in me making the decision to slow down, but I still needed an extra push to actually step aside for a bit.
That push came from an extraordinarily difficult but easy decision I had just made about something else–the decision to…
On the podcast this week, I shared a lot that happened behind the scenes with my radical sabbatical. And, yes, the “murder scene” did play a big role in me making the decision to slow down, but I still needed the extra push to actually step aside for a bit.
We had just lived through the big decision to pull Jack from college–I can’t tell you how much I cried and fretted as I advised him throughout that process. But I also knew it was best for Jack. It was a difficult but easy decision. It was clear he needed to step back for a bit and I never wavered that it was the right choice.
A few days later I was on a call with my friend, Brittney, confiding about everything that was happening in my life… and without hesitation she said, Why don’t you take your advice for Jack and apply it to yourself? ⚡
So that’s what I did.
Sometimes we’re smarter when we’re handing out advice to others and we just need to listen to ourselves.
*** Your answer can be MUCH shorter than mine! I just like to use a lot of words… and incorrect punctuation. 😂
I’ve been at a conference all week telling people how important it is to ask for help. Many people feel dumb asking questions, but it’s the smart people that ask the most questions. Asking for help is one of the smartest things you can do.
I’m one of the worst at asking for help… even though I know everything I just wrote above is the truth… there is still something inside of me that takes pride in the struggle of doing things alone.
I need to take my own advice… or at least keep trying.
Asking for help always feels so hard to me too. But every time I do it, I'm so glad I did. I think it's often the uncomfortableness (is that a word?!) at the start of the conversation that holds us back. I find that a lot of people are happy you asked - it makes them feel good. Don't you think?
I give the advice to follow our flight attendants directions to "place the oxygen mask on ourself before helping others." Meaning, we need to take care of ourself or we will not be able to take care of others as we wish. Yet, I will say this after long days of work, trying to get "one more email" or "one more project" done. I need to diligently model what I preach.
I also struggle with the advice to give yourself the grace you give others. I am, and always have been, my own worst critic. I am quick to interpret the interactions around me as confirmation of my failure rather than seeing it as another human also trying to find their way.
Alison, I hear ya on both of those! It's easy to feel like "just one more thing" won't be a big deal...until you figure out that you just did 25 "one-more-things" 😂
Take care of yourself. My husband passed due to medical negligence just over two years ago and at the same time, I discovered that I was in heart failure. I had put off being tested for sleep apnea for years. Now I have been diagnosed with extremely low estrogen levels which lead to heart damage but every cardiologist that I saw said that can't be it either issue because sleep apnea doesn't cause heart damage and that it was from my non-existent high blood pressure over the years. I did get high blood pressure a few months before the damage was discovered. Now that I know the symptoms, I can trace them back to 2000 when I visited the ER and the doctor told me that my EKG would be concerning for a 70 year old but since I was 20, it didn't matter. Now I wish I had pushed back on that comment and demanded actual help but I didn't. Now I am fighting useless doctors and having to do it all on my own. It isn't worth putting off your health.
Sarah, I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. You've been dealing with a lot, but I am so proud of the fact that you're now fighting and advocating for yourself with your doctors. I think so many of us have been conditioned not to question what doctors say - this is such a good reminder to all of us that when it comes to our health, we should always push back and question. Thank you so much for sharing this. It's so powerful.
Thank you, Tanya for the best example of taking time off from other stuff & completely re-evaluate your life ... It easier to say "I need to do this" than actually doing it!
It was hard for me to hear the advice given to me (and I would share with others) is to come out from under those lies you tell people & yourself as to who you are and what you do because you feel that fear of not being good enough. If you tell your truth others will surprise us. Those close to us accept & adore us for not just our accomplishments, but for who we truly are ... I second the advice "ask for help"!
I decided to start playing tennis 10 years ago. My husband plays tennis and I thought that as we head towards retirement that this is something we could do together.
It’s a social event that is also good for our health (and waistline)
For the first 5 to 7 years things were going well. I found a nice group of girls to play tennis with. my husband and I on occasion would play mixed doubles. We join the club. It seemed perfect. Then Covid, the club that we were playing tennis at close down, and the group that I was playing tennis with was playing together sporadically. My tennis game began to suffer. Instead of getting better so that I could play more with my husband I started getting worse.
In addition, our court times seem to be more often at totally different times. so instead of being together
We were apart for 3 to 4 hours, while each one of us played with our own group. This has gone on for the last 2 to 3 years now.
I keep telling myself I need to stop playing tennis and start doing another activity …something that both of us can do together.
The advice I would give to a friend is…stop doing the same thing and expecting different results.
So today I am strongly, considering finding another sport or activity we can do together… One that keeps us connected and active😊
I love this Linda. I think we all hold on to things way too long sometimes. Especially if it SEEMS like such a good idea (like tennis!). I don't know if it's the routine or the sunk cost, but sometimes it feels hard to admit that it's just not working. I'm curious if you and your husband have tried Pickleball. It's easier to pick up at a moment's notice and you can play just the two of you (tennis is hard to play singles because of the size of the court). John and I recently discovered a Pickleball court at a park nearby, so we go in the mornings together. We play just for fun - not part of a league because I like the flexibility.
I have tried Pickleball a couple of times. I felt the hard court was a little hard on my knees. maybe I didn’t give it much of a chance.
Pickleball is a fun sport and as you just said… it can just be a pick up game with two people. I think I have to revisit this activity. I love the idea of blending fun, connection and exercise altogether 😁👏.
I tell people to be kind to themself, but I often forget my own advice. However, I’m consciously focusing on it now and being kind to myself on a regular basis is improving the quality of my life.
I just came here to say something similar. I see the good in others and like to fill their cups with love and words of affirmation but my own self talk is very negative. I have a hard time seeing and believing all the wonderful things about me.
I like that focus on treating yourself like you treat others. Sometimes we say such terrible things to ourselves that we would never in a million years even utter to anyone else. That's great advice.
I've never really thought about the difference between saying yes or no to an opportunity. My first thought is "will I enjoy it" or "do I really want to do thi?" After listening to a podcast minutes ago I now have a totally different perspective. Saying YES to anything puts you on the path to doing that one thing for the time you commit. If I say YES to doing this thing then I commit myself to doing this thing at a specific time; one path. But, if I say NO, then I have unlimited choices on what I can do with my time; options or multiple paths. Ask yourself if this is truly how you want to spend your time because once you have spent it there are no refunds. That's it.
Welcome back Tanya! I have been wondering on and off for months how you were doing. Sorry to hear it’s been so hard but glad you’re back and love this new platform! I am the queen of dishing out advice I need to give myself 🤣 mainly because I love self development books and podcasts but find my own development is usually a very gradual improvement. So I have a lot of knowledge about things but usually have only implemented some of it. I’m mentoring someone at the moment and I’ve been using On Purpose as a starting point with her. She is finding it really helpful but I’ve been very up front with her that I’m still only half way through implementing it on my own life. What has been lovely though has been how just 2 chapters in and she’s already rediscovered an earlier idea of a career in nutrition which she had given up on. Your questions have sparked something in her 🤩
Hannah - you have absolutely made my day! That is amazing!! Thank you for letting me know... I love that you are using the book as a starting point with her. And, here's the truth: most growth is gradual and at time excruciatingly slow! One of the best ways to take it all in, is to share it so you are doing great. ❤️
Thanks Tanya! I’m starting to realise this and that also growth isn’t always upwards.
Also this week your comment on your podcast episode about doing personal development at lunchtimes made me realise I could do the same. So since then I have taken slightly longer lunch breaks and have used them to do my personal development study. Been a game changer for me! I also realised at work I have been doing hour long meetings back to back and subsequently had no time to set any actions. So reduced all my meetings to 45 minutes. Don’t know why I didn’t think of doing that before!
I'm so glad that resonated with you - I love my lunchtime learning. And I love your idea to reduce meetings to 45 minutes - a small change but I bet that makes a bit difference in your day. Even having a few minutes to just breathe (and maybe go to the bathroom!) is a big game changer.
Welcome back Tanya. It’s so nice to see that you took care of yourself and now you’re back in action. I’m really enjoying this Thursday thread work… it already has a community feel.😁👏
I'm late to this, but mine is slow down and look around...two years ago I took on WAY too much and I recently stripped back everything to where I am now concentrating on things in my life that make me happy and energetic. It may not be what everyone else wants, but it is good for me!!
I love that you've stripped back everything - that is not easy to do (easy to say... not easy to actually DO!!) but what a difference that makes! So glad to have you here Jane (I am really enjoying this new format too!)
On the podcast this week, I shared a lot that happened behind the scenes with my radical sabbatical. And, yes, the “murder scene” did play a big role in me making the decision to slow down, but I still needed the extra push to actually step aside for a bit.
We had just lived through the big decision to pull Jack from college–I can’t tell you how much I cried and fretted as I advised him throughout that process. But I also knew it was best for Jack. It was a difficult but easy decision. It was clear he needed to step back for a bit and I never wavered that it was the right choice.
A few days later I was on a call with my friend, Brittney, confiding about everything that was happening in my life… and without hesitation she said, Why don’t you take your advice for Jack and apply it to yourself? ⚡
So that’s what I did.
Sometimes we’re smarter when we’re handing out advice to others and we just need to listen to ourselves.
*** Your answer can be MUCH shorter than mine! I just like to use a lot of words… and incorrect punctuation. 😂
Ask for help.
I’ve been at a conference all week telling people how important it is to ask for help. Many people feel dumb asking questions, but it’s the smart people that ask the most questions. Asking for help is one of the smartest things you can do.
I’m one of the worst at asking for help… even though I know everything I just wrote above is the truth… there is still something inside of me that takes pride in the struggle of doing things alone.
I need to take my own advice… or at least keep trying.
Asking for help always feels so hard to me too. But every time I do it, I'm so glad I did. I think it's often the uncomfortableness (is that a word?!) at the start of the conversation that holds us back. I find that a lot of people are happy you asked - it makes them feel good. Don't you think?
Agree… have to fight through my own pride. I’m a work in progress, but aren’t we all?! 😬
I give the advice to follow our flight attendants directions to "place the oxygen mask on ourself before helping others." Meaning, we need to take care of ourself or we will not be able to take care of others as we wish. Yet, I will say this after long days of work, trying to get "one more email" or "one more project" done. I need to diligently model what I preach.
I also struggle with the advice to give yourself the grace you give others. I am, and always have been, my own worst critic. I am quick to interpret the interactions around me as confirmation of my failure rather than seeing it as another human also trying to find their way.
Alison, I hear ya on both of those! It's easy to feel like "just one more thing" won't be a big deal...until you figure out that you just did 25 "one-more-things" 😂
Take care of yourself. My husband passed due to medical negligence just over two years ago and at the same time, I discovered that I was in heart failure. I had put off being tested for sleep apnea for years. Now I have been diagnosed with extremely low estrogen levels which lead to heart damage but every cardiologist that I saw said that can't be it either issue because sleep apnea doesn't cause heart damage and that it was from my non-existent high blood pressure over the years. I did get high blood pressure a few months before the damage was discovered. Now that I know the symptoms, I can trace them back to 2000 when I visited the ER and the doctor told me that my EKG would be concerning for a 70 year old but since I was 20, it didn't matter. Now I wish I had pushed back on that comment and demanded actual help but I didn't. Now I am fighting useless doctors and having to do it all on my own. It isn't worth putting off your health.
Sarah, I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. You've been dealing with a lot, but I am so proud of the fact that you're now fighting and advocating for yourself with your doctors. I think so many of us have been conditioned not to question what doctors say - this is such a good reminder to all of us that when it comes to our health, we should always push back and question. Thank you so much for sharing this. It's so powerful.
Thank you, Tanya for the best example of taking time off from other stuff & completely re-evaluate your life ... It easier to say "I need to do this" than actually doing it!
It was hard for me to hear the advice given to me (and I would share with others) is to come out from under those lies you tell people & yourself as to who you are and what you do because you feel that fear of not being good enough. If you tell your truth others will surprise us. Those close to us accept & adore us for not just our accomplishments, but for who we truly are ... I second the advice "ask for help"!
Liz - YES!! It's easy advice to give, but so hard to implement. I feel like I've been working through this one myself!
If something no longer serves, you stop doing it.
I decided to start playing tennis 10 years ago. My husband plays tennis and I thought that as we head towards retirement that this is something we could do together.
It’s a social event that is also good for our health (and waistline)
For the first 5 to 7 years things were going well. I found a nice group of girls to play tennis with. my husband and I on occasion would play mixed doubles. We join the club. It seemed perfect. Then Covid, the club that we were playing tennis at close down, and the group that I was playing tennis with was playing together sporadically. My tennis game began to suffer. Instead of getting better so that I could play more with my husband I started getting worse.
In addition, our court times seem to be more often at totally different times. so instead of being together
We were apart for 3 to 4 hours, while each one of us played with our own group. This has gone on for the last 2 to 3 years now.
I keep telling myself I need to stop playing tennis and start doing another activity …something that both of us can do together.
The advice I would give to a friend is…stop doing the same thing and expecting different results.
So today I am strongly, considering finding another sport or activity we can do together… One that keeps us connected and active😊
I love this Linda. I think we all hold on to things way too long sometimes. Especially if it SEEMS like such a good idea (like tennis!). I don't know if it's the routine or the sunk cost, but sometimes it feels hard to admit that it's just not working. I'm curious if you and your husband have tried Pickleball. It's easier to pick up at a moment's notice and you can play just the two of you (tennis is hard to play singles because of the size of the court). John and I recently discovered a Pickleball court at a park nearby, so we go in the mornings together. We play just for fun - not part of a league because I like the flexibility.
I have tried Pickleball a couple of times. I felt the hard court was a little hard on my knees. maybe I didn’t give it much of a chance.
Pickleball is a fun sport and as you just said… it can just be a pick up game with two people. I think I have to revisit this activity. I love the idea of blending fun, connection and exercise altogether 😁👏.
Thank you for the suggestion.
I tell people to be kind to themself, but I often forget my own advice. However, I’m consciously focusing on it now and being kind to myself on a regular basis is improving the quality of my life.
I just came here to say something similar. I see the good in others and like to fill their cups with love and words of affirmation but my own self talk is very negative. I have a hard time seeing and believing all the wonderful things about me.
I found that focusing on treating myself like I treat others helps diminish the negative self-talk.
I like that focus on treating yourself like you treat others. Sometimes we say such terrible things to ourselves that we would never in a million years even utter to anyone else. That's great advice.
I've never really thought about the difference between saying yes or no to an opportunity. My first thought is "will I enjoy it" or "do I really want to do thi?" After listening to a podcast minutes ago I now have a totally different perspective. Saying YES to anything puts you on the path to doing that one thing for the time you commit. If I say YES to doing this thing then I commit myself to doing this thing at a specific time; one path. But, if I say NO, then I have unlimited choices on what I can do with my time; options or multiple paths. Ask yourself if this is truly how you want to spend your time because once you have spent it there are no refunds. That's it.
So good Mary! I love this takeaway you had!
Glad to see you back, always here to help you take your own advice! :)
It really was good to have it thrown right back in my face. I needed to hear it. I'm so grateful for you!
Welcome back Tanya! I have been wondering on and off for months how you were doing. Sorry to hear it’s been so hard but glad you’re back and love this new platform! I am the queen of dishing out advice I need to give myself 🤣 mainly because I love self development books and podcasts but find my own development is usually a very gradual improvement. So I have a lot of knowledge about things but usually have only implemented some of it. I’m mentoring someone at the moment and I’ve been using On Purpose as a starting point with her. She is finding it really helpful but I’ve been very up front with her that I’m still only half way through implementing it on my own life. What has been lovely though has been how just 2 chapters in and she’s already rediscovered an earlier idea of a career in nutrition which she had given up on. Your questions have sparked something in her 🤩
Hannah - you have absolutely made my day! That is amazing!! Thank you for letting me know... I love that you are using the book as a starting point with her. And, here's the truth: most growth is gradual and at time excruciatingly slow! One of the best ways to take it all in, is to share it so you are doing great. ❤️
Thanks Tanya! I’m starting to realise this and that also growth isn’t always upwards.
Also this week your comment on your podcast episode about doing personal development at lunchtimes made me realise I could do the same. So since then I have taken slightly longer lunch breaks and have used them to do my personal development study. Been a game changer for me! I also realised at work I have been doing hour long meetings back to back and subsequently had no time to set any actions. So reduced all my meetings to 45 minutes. Don’t know why I didn’t think of doing that before!
I'm so glad that resonated with you - I love my lunchtime learning. And I love your idea to reduce meetings to 45 minutes - a small change but I bet that makes a bit difference in your day. Even having a few minutes to just breathe (and maybe go to the bathroom!) is a big game changer.
Yes is has worked very well this week thanks Tanya! 😊
Welcome back Tanya. It’s so nice to see that you took care of yourself and now you’re back in action. I’m really enjoying this Thursday thread work… it already has a community feel.😁👏
I agree Linda - I'm excited about us creating a community!
I'm late to this, but mine is slow down and look around...two years ago I took on WAY too much and I recently stripped back everything to where I am now concentrating on things in my life that make me happy and energetic. It may not be what everyone else wants, but it is good for me!!
Thanks for this forum, Tanya!!
I love that you've stripped back everything - that is not easy to do (easy to say... not easy to actually DO!!) but what a difference that makes! So glad to have you here Jane (I am really enjoying this new format too!)